My Life As A Cloud

previously unpublished

2008-03-03T16:49:00.001-05:00

i feel soooo dead.

i have about 7 books to read and i feel like taking a nap... right on top of all the unfolded laundry on my bed

my room is a giant mess.

move mountains

2008-03-03T02:21:00.003-05:00

ps. this sort of shit always happens. aka ive been wanting to go to sasquatch festival since the beginning of time, aka grade ten, and when i implored the possibility of going to it back then, no one listened. now that i am completely uninterested in going, my friends are keen on going. ugh

here is the lineup for sasquatch festival, and the only ones i even remotely care about are m.i.a. and beirut and stephen malkmus and destroyer.

R.E.M. / The Cure / The Flaming Lips U.F.O. Show / Death Cab For Cutie / Modest Mouse / M.I.A. / Flight Of The Conchords / Rodrigo Y Gabriela / Michael Franti & Spearhead / The Breeders / Built To Spill / The Hives / The Kooks / Tegan & Sara / Ghostland Observatory / Ozomatli / The New Pornographers / Blue Scholars / The National / Stephen Malkmus & The Jicks / Cold War Kids / Beirut / Rogue Wave / Okkervil River / Fleet Foxes / Kinski / Mates of State / Sera Cahoone / Crudo (featuring Mike Patton & Dan The Automator) / Battles / Destroyer / Dyme Def / The Blakes / Pela / Jamie Lidell / The Cops / Dengue Fever / Siberian / Say Hi / White Rabbits / David Bazan / The Little Ones / "Awesome" / Dead Confederate / The Heavenly States / 65daysofstatic / Grand Archives / Vince Mira with the Roy Kay Trio / Joshua Morrison / Throw Me The Statue / J. Tillman / The Shaky Hands / Thao Nguyen with the Get Down Stay Down / Matt Costa / The Cave Singers

because you loved me

2008-03-03T02:11:00.004-05:00

oh yeah. something in me broke this weekend, i dont know what, but as a result, i downloaded and listened to CELINE DION SONGS this morning. 100% true story. yes, i know it's fucked up. i really dont know why why why. i listened to "because you loved me" about 10 times, which is 10 times too many. at home mom had one celine dion cd that she played all the time and thats where i know the song from, really.

word.

park that car, drop that phone, sleep on the floor, dream about me

2008-03-02T02:25:00.006-05:00

jen and e-star, way back in the past. this is all you get because i am too
lazy to upload my new pictures that actually go with the content of this post

this was posted about 24 hours after it was written:

woooooooooooooo long and pointless day/nite.

woke up at noon, had an intense convo with ray over the phone for an hour, cleaned my room and did the dishes (which took two hours), ate "breakfast" at 3pm, talked on the phone with dara for an hour and a half, went grocery shopping, then met up with ester. we went to urban outfitters and she bought a fisheye camera (amazing), then we went to her grandparents' house and we walked their dog named Storm while i took pictures and called up my friends i knew to see if they were going to seri's big fucking housewarming party. adam is in hamilton so he didn't go, ray didn't because she had to do an interview for her assignment, nic has an out-of-town friend over and otie is having dinner with her feminist friends and this is the part i realize that i dont have many close friends. sam went, but she was (obviously) accompanied by kira and her crew, whom i obviously despise. even tho my entire floor went (seri used to live on my floor) and so did some journo kids, but the thought of being in the same room with them just made me want to heave. i didnt really feel like going anyway, i have these stupid days when i am trying to force myself to socialize but TOTALLY don't feel like it, aka i want to be alone away from crowds but simultaneously need someone and feel totally lonely, and think all day "im lonely, im lonely." ahahaha. that sounds pathetic on paper. anyway after walking storm in rosedale, esty and i went out for dinner at a thai place on yonge, then we contemplated these crazy and "deep" hypothetical situations while experimenting with her new fisheye camera. afterwards we bought a tub of ben & jerry's strawberry cheesecake ice cream and ate half of it between us when we got to ester's room. we tried ice cream on triscuit type crackers, it was v. delicious and it makes you feel like you're eating some kind of healthy snack, like cream cheese on fibrous crackers or something. aha aha aha. then we watched disney's beauty and the beast, which i now dub THE MOST AMAZING MOVIE EVER. by the first minute i was all, oh man, this is my childhood haunting me back again, i fell in love with it completely once more. by the time we were done the movie we just zoned out listening to music then she said she had to go to bed so i walked home at 2 in the morning while talking to my mom on the phone. i trapezed over drunk people in the street very efficiently while keeping a conversation going. now im at my desk and i realize i have ICE CREAM STAINS on my sweatshirt, which is, um, disgusting. i suppose i shouldn't have eaten in ester's bed. ester wanted to smoke cloves that joan gave her but i said ehn. btw i can sort of see how people get hooked on drugs. i should lay off smoking anything for a while. maybe get rid of this weird semi-reputation as a chronic. haha funny how i smoked cigarettes in montreal. nooot.

total spent for the day: $15 on groceries, $13 on dinner, $7 on ice cream (and i suppose ttc fare). total spent on the day is $35. hahaha.

when i was at urban outfitters, i had and impulse to buy all my furniture/whatevers from there for my house next year. haha who is a victim of consumerism?

saw hannah today, so good seeing her, every time i see her she reminds me that extremely intelligent and uncorrupted people still do exist on this miserable and wonderful planet.

i figure since it's already march 1st, i should make a birthday list. my birthday is in mere three months, you know. things i want:
- a colourful quilt from urban outfitters
- a thick sweatshirt
- charles mingus albums
- money for my summer trip?

i am in love with urban outfitters and its semi-snobby pretentious shit.

when i wake up in the afternoon i will be 700 pounds from all the ice cream i ate today.

not for all the love in the world

2008-03-01T02:45:00.002-05:00

xiao told me she did acid yesterday with her friends because they were beyond bored. oooo dear lord. if i ever do drugs out of boredom, someone please SHOOT ME.

hey your eyes are shooting stars

watched before sunrise tonight, which was romantic bullshit wrapped up in awesome european setting (vienna) and good conversation and hot actors. julie delpy is fucking hot, she is half hippie with flowy hair and she has a manly walk. maybe all french women are. it was a good movie

then i listened to hole songs and wrote lyrics all over lara's facebook wall while i listened

hil invited me over to her house in nowheresville, ontario (population 2,400). sounds awesome i wanna go. ahahahahahaa.

just marinating in my exhaustion right now. after finishing my english essay at 9pm, i went swimming then went to the sauna then took forever having a shower and drying my hair at the gym. then i came back to rez and my room's a fucking mess and i have no food in my room and i really need to buy crackers or noodles.

listening to leonard cohen now and i really really should go to sleep soon.

tomorrow ray and i are going to go look at a potential future home IF everything goes according to plan. it's in the fucking annex ahahaha we are sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo awesome.

used to be one of the rotten ones and i liked you for that

2008-03-01T02:29:00.004-05:00

kevin drew is pretty much superman

did you see him

i wish
i'm just going by your screenname

aha
aha
sry i am slow.

but bss has to be on my shortlist of like, five bands i need to see
itsok

i fell in love with him when i saw him

you said aha twice
yeah, i would too

he was sweaty and after the first encore he brought out a bag of lays chips and ate them.
they were sour cream and onion

my favourite flavour

ahahaha its meant to be eh

except once in a while when you get a really good bag of bbq

haha
mm bbq

when did you see them?

in 2006?
cant remember exactly
some year november

ah, right on
i missed the boat. they're too "trendy" now

ah i guess. i know what you mean

no, i still really want to. they just dont play anything except festivals and big city it seems like
same with every band
lame

aw
come out here

one of these years
actually, april.
but umm.. for baseball. not for bands

hahaha

i need a car
cars suck though. i need a fuel cell car
do anything fun tonight?

no not really actually. im really tired but i dont want to go to sleep
just lisetning to music and zoning out right now
what about you

went drinking for the second night in a row. and i pretty much graduate on wednesday, which mean more drinking. and talked about incubus a lot. weird
sleeping sux

you pretty much graduate on wednesday! whaaaaaaat.
doood

i know. terrifying

jebus

i still have half a semester left but it's "iron ring" day, which is a big cultish enginering rite of passage. and it's terrifying

oh you get your ring!
thats awesome haha

and a good excuse to have my stomach pumped
yeah!
i know.
it;'s going to be wonderful
and terrifying
anyway. i need to eat something and get to bed

cooooooooooool

have a good night

okies
you too
nites xo

ox makes more practical sense. ox

in that case ox

she obliterated everything she kissed

2008-03-01T01:37:00.002-05:00

I am doll eyes
Doll mouth, doll legs
I am doll arms, big veins, dog bait
Yeah, they really want you, they really want you, they really do
Yeah, they really want you, they really want you, but I do too
I want to be the girl with the most cake
I love him so much it just turns to hate
I fake it so real, I am beyond fake
And someday, you will ache like I ache
Someday, you will ache like I ache
I am doll parts
Bad skin, doll heart
It stands for knife
For the rest of my life
Yeah, they really want you, they really want you, they really do
Yeah, they really want you, they really want you, but I do, too
I want to be the girl with the most cake
He only loves those things because he loves to see them break
I fake it so real, I am beyond fake
And someday, you will ache like I ache
Someday you will ache like I ache

woo whee woo i look just like buddy holly

2008-02-29T18:46:00.005-05:00

yesterday the bunch of jschoolers and i went for dinner at pickle barrel. i think there were 10 of us there, sean amanda emilie krista josh lena bryan otie hil lee and me. hil and i were making fun of lee ALL night secretly. i guess it would take too fucking long to explain my condescension towards lee. anyway the girls (plus sean, of course, haha) ordered fucking HUGE margaritas that hil and i initially suspected were virgin margaritas because we felt nothing. then an hour later otie, hil and i were reeling from giddiness. lee ordered one too, purely out of peer pressure (she's been drinking age for eons but never drinks, partially because she is a socially awkward dumbhead who does not have friends.) hil and i were all, omgzorz, lee ordered a drink, let's see how drunk she gets, but by the end of the dinner, lee had taken maybe three sips total. ahahahahahahahaha so funnaaaaay. ok i guess you had to be there.

hil and i were sitting right beside each other and we were texting each other I LOVE YOU and I HATE YOU all night and taking pointless pictures. goodness we are retarded. esty sent me a fuckload of texts during dinner. she apparently got her makeup done professionally for some reason, i have no fucking clue why? she sent me pictures and texted: "what are you doing tonight?" and i texted back "drinking my sorrows away." ahaaaaa

krista and emilie were really nice, i'm glad i got to talk to them at dinner, i hardly ever even see them around. i sat across from emilie and josh. josh ordered french onion soup because apparently he's a french onion soup connoisseur?

i am somehow gotten a quasi-reputation as a chronic stoner. NOT fair, i was actually quite offended when bryan and otie brought it up. this is partially due to ester, she was talking about how funny and strange i get when i am high last time when she was at dinner with the same bunch of people. they all want to see me get high. goodness.

the dinner i ordered was shitty and unfilling for total of $23, but i guess the margarita was cheap, so whatever. otie and i were planning to go to the rivoli on queen west to the rrj magazine fundraiser party, but we were discouraged by the thought of paying $12 cover after spending so much on dinner. ahhh well. i still have hannah's fake id but i have to return it to her because she actually needs it.

what else? oh yes bryan was being very creepy i wanted to smack him in the head. ugh i am never talking to him again. he's like a less annoying version of dave (my friend at queen's), but is still SO CLINGY AHHHHHHHHHH. i excluded myself from the conversations on one end of the table because i didn't want to talk to bryan. god i am so moody. hil and i had a grand time poking each other and making fun of lee though. lee was raving all night about the usual shit she raves about, i.e. the hills, laguna beach, perez hilton, britney spears, what-have-yous. dear lord why in the world is she so dumb?! she is an insult to journalists everywhere. her greatest goal in life is "writing exciting news stories" just like the ones in seventeen magazine - you know, those quasi-articles in stupid girl mags about "HOW I RUINED MY SUMMER BY OVER-DRINKING" or "HOW I LEARNED TO DEAL WITH ANOREXIA". dear fucking lord! they're not even articles, you could churn that shit out in your SLEEP! i dont know how we managed to make fun of her all night without her noticing, i was sitting next to her but she was too engrossed in her laguna beach talk with sean.

otie said i make her feel naturally high, in other words when i'm around her she feels automatically giddy and hyper. which is funny because i'm totally not an energetic person? she says because i'm so chill she becomes the total opposite. interesting?

too bad i didn't take my camera to the dindin, our margaritas were picture worthy.

it was a fun night, after the dinner we hugged all the commuters goodbye. then hil and i went to her room and read nylon mag and played retarded computer games and sing elton john songs and youtube Hole videos and listen to weezer and stalk lee on facebook. do we sound like evil people yet?

in march there is a residence formal, i have not yet bought a dress yet but a bunch of jschoolers are going together. i am actually excited for this stupid thing. can you believe it? otie and josh will be there and so will bryan (ugh) but that's ok i think i will be trashed enough to not mind. emilie and krista invited the bunch of us to pre-drink with them on their floor. okayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. totes excited!

wow this blog post is fucking huge and pretty much pointless.

sixteen candles

2008-02-29T18:27:00.005-05:00

oh yeah i forgot. i will put up all of the montreal trip pictures later. here are a few random picks

two weekends ago i went to montreal to see my highschool friends, if you didn't know. stories to come. you can read lara's version of the trip here. i can't believe it's already been two weeks. time flies.

automatic flowers

2008-02-29T18:20:00.002-05:00

hillary taught me this song and it goes

STOP! DON'T TOUCH ME THERE
THIS IS MY PRIVATE SQUARE
R-A-P-E
GET THOSE HANDS AWAY FROM ME!

it was fun times.

++

writing an essay due in 2.5 hours. at 889 words. my last two paragraphs have been the shittiest things i've ever written in my life. aha

my body's hating me so much right now. i have a headache and my shoulders feel tight and my right hand is constantly cold and my right wrist very sore. i caught my hand having random muscle spasms today and it was painful. what the fuck? i've stretched every day and i still feel tight like i'm wound up in a metal chain. when i'm done this essay i'm going to bed. i must go swimming tomorrow to loosen up my stiff body.

ps. why the fuck is it so cold in my room? jesus.

hmmmmmmm

2008-02-29T02:26:00.003-05:00

seriously though
i'm really pissed
if i never believe in a god, this is why
there is too much suffering in good people
and i hate it
its too unfair
i fucking hate this.

you should know

2008-02-29T02:12:00.007-05:00

well well well the bad news never ends does it? i was just going to go to sleep after checking my email, and what do you know? someone emails me that a very close family friend of mine (and my sister's) is now blind due to his degenerative eye disease. he was a secondary school math teacher and now he's confined to bed forever. he had two recent surgeries to ease the pain, but there is no cure.

fuck all

i think her name's debra

2008-02-29T01:47:00.005-05:00

postscript: oh yea i forgot it was my dad's birthday three days ago. i just realized that today at about 10pm and i felt severely depressed for about five minutes then proceeded to text my sister and mom that i felt like a retard. my mom said she forgot too hahahaha which may or may not have been a lie, since my sister said she remembered.

the bad thing is, i talked to my dad on msn about two days ago and didn't say anything about his birthday, so he OBVIOUSLY knows i forgot. goshdarn i'm an idiot.

i am seeing my dad this summer because i'm spending a month or so in korea. i am super super stoked and shouldn't announce it until everything's confirmed but whatever. my dad is more stoked than i am. it will be just me and him hanging out! oh my fucking god! some solid father daughter time i haven't had since i was what... nine years old? without my sister too, that's a plus (though i guess it could be a minus too, in some ways). my only problem is that he's going to try to goad me into seeing his side of the family, make me go to church every sunday, and tell me to be nice to his spoiled dog. i kind of despise his spoiled puppy. but i guess i can sacrifice all this, even the church thing, because i will assimilate and learn. (hahahahahahahahahahahahaha.) i will be living at a homestay or rent an apartment next to dad's. his apartment is fucking tiny, even for him and his dog alone. i haven't been in korea since summer before grade 12. SUPERRRRRR EXCITEDDDDDDDDDDD if you couldn't tell. dooood.

on an unrelated note: sam invited me to come to a most serene republic concert this saturday with her and her bf, but honestly, kira is going to be there and so is kate and so is lauryn which doesn't make it all that easy for me to be like "ok i'll come!" LE BARF.

my clementine

2008-02-29T01:22:00.004-05:00

sweet adelineeeeeeeeeee
my clementineeeeeeeeeeeeee

this is my friend hillary adeline

we went out, had dinner with some journo kids, ordered huge raspberry margaritas and was giddy for hours. aha, aha. bryan was being really creepy touchy again, le sigh. everyone was super friendly. hilaroo and i spent the entire night making fun of lee. aha aha aha aha aha aha....... we are SUCH PRO SHIT TALKERS. remind me to tell you stories from this dinner later when i'm not fucking tired. ahahahahaha so funnayyyyyyyyyyyyyy

anyway after the dindin hil and i spent hours in her room playing weezer jam session (an online game like guitar hero for weezer songs! omgzorz!) and reading nylon magazine and listening to hole and youtubing parts of 'almost famous'. then we took these because we're fuckin awesome. ya they scare me too

WE HOPE YOU ENJOYED THESE SUPER POINTLESS PICTURES. MORE STORIES LATER. GOODNIGHT (HOLY CRAP I AM GOING TO BED AND IT'S ONLY 129AM.)

make whole grains and milk part of your day!

2008-02-27T17:27:00.004-05:00

i just went through my entire collection of 6,534 photos on flickr and deleted about 400-500 useless pictures. so everything on there is now glance-worthy okay!

i just tried to cleanse my archives too, but it was so much work, i can't possibly censor all the s talk i've been doing the last two years secretly via a blog. ha ha. at least recent posts will be semi decent.

jebus.

i will be continuing these two activities (cleaning up my flickr and my blog) for the next little while. i really need a pseudonym other than fenny. suggestions?

tada.

wondering why he's here at all

2008-02-27T02:15:00.002-05:00

film photos by ester from january (some are unintentional double-exposures!)

leaf mural

crystal meth lady who offered to pose for us. saw herself as a marilyn monroe. awesome stuff.

heart exclamation

sipping swirly marble

put it in the past

2008-02-27T01:23:00.003-05:00

some new outfits a la lara and jenny (as previously nearly-identically blogged at wheaties and beer on feb. 22)

~~wheaties and beer~~ lara and jenny had an amazing weekend in montreal to start off their reading breaks! then lara spent a few days in toronto, and the two friends spent lots of moolah on queen street west shopping. check out some of their new outfits!

vintage shirt with a giant deer. and new yellow belt

happy after participating in mindless consumerism.

american apparel distressed tee!

a whole lotta flags. that's because internationalism is cool.

cheap monday shirt for $25! the store i bought this from is my newest obessison.

wow, superstar

vintage hat; i look like a golf caddy!

vintage polo shirt that cost $8

i wish there were a korean flag, you know, the red/blue yinyang.

they didn't have vice magazine this month!

michigan state

american apparel again

hooray for shopping!

ranma ranma

2008-02-26T13:39:00.003-05:00

hello there. my blog is back for now. you hadn't been blocked, i made it for my eyes only. tonight i will do a massive reconstruction of the blog posts, but you probably won't notice. i needed to unblock it for now (even though i haven't cleansed out the archives, like i promised myself) because i felt UTTERLY SUFFOCATED by not having to blog 24/7. btw i have a wordpress blog now.

haha "utterly suffocated". i have a constant need to express myself, no matter if it's the same old shit.

i will update yalls on the intricate and deliciously juicy (not) details of my life later. maybe tonight when i finally have some fucking free time after several days of hermitting in the library for research.

going to take a 10-minute power nap... then off to philosophy tutorial. omgzorz i got 92% on my philosophy midterm! YEAAAA MOTHAFOCKAAAAA

i think this sleep deprivation thing is taking its toll.

wannabe

2008-02-14T14:15:00.003-05:00

so fucking stressed once again. someone buy me a therapist for ... valentine's day. haha perfect.

i am THIS close to quitting journalism.

got 4 hours of sleep, woke up late for my tutorial, then the instructor showed up late so i was pissed because i could have at least put some makeup on or grabbed something to eat. then i went to breakie with hil and the waitress was the shittiest shittiest waitress ever, i left her zero tip. GOD! now i am back in my room struggling to not kill myself.

life sucks today.

he's got feelings

2008-02-14T01:26:00.005-05:00

i really, really, really want to delete this blog today.

i have this problem sometimes when i cant bring myself to open emails and i torture myself for hours and hours, sometimes days, thinking, oh no, i dont want to read that, so i won't open it, even though i DON'T know what's in the contents of the email or i NEED to read it for whatever reasons. they're like bombs waiting for detonation. i can't handle it.

ugh.

anyway... its 1 49am here and i am trying to ignore the mess in my room for as long as possible. sometimes i'm such a pig i scare myself.

hillary an i watched two hours of pointless tv in her room before i got up and said okkkkkk enough procrastinating, then i went to my room and stared at my laptop for about half an hour before ray called me, thank god. then i got to go to her room and lie on her perfectly made bed and pretend to listen to her talk about her economics exam. ok i didn't pretend, i was only half listening because i was doing this awesome drawing.

writing a postcard to john right now. what should i write on it? i sent a postcard to malcolm and it only had shitty questions on it, like ARE YOU LIVING LIFE TO THE POINT OF TEARS? or something to that lame ass effect. i forget. maybe i will ask malcolm what i wrote. hahahaha ha ha ha.

listened to dave's band's album for a while. their stuff is really good actually, which is unfortunate because now i wouldn't be able to go to his shows without feeling completely awkward. i should have gone before. hmmmmmm. righto.

oh man i got a B+ on a court reporting assignment i did two weeks ago. my highest mark on a single assignment in the stupid reporting class, thus far. someone gimme a gold star.

we like the boys who say no

2008-02-13T03:06:00.007-05:00

wow i havent blogged in a while. today i skipped my visual cultures lecture to sleep in. i slept in because i went to bed at 4am. i went to bed at 4am because i was cramming for today's philosophy midterm. i was cramming for the midterm because i procrastinated all weekend.

the exam was pretty easy though... if i don't do well on it, i'll be sort of irked because this is the most studying i've done in a while (read: the ONLY studying i've done in a while)

saw hannah today then visited ester for 15 minutes and i raided her snack shelf. i ate two rice crackers and two squares of chocolate. ester's room is super nice now that her roomie moved out. someone threw a snowball at ester's window while i was there.

uh. what else. it's snowed a fuckload here. kind of ridiculous, how much snow there is, really.

had a strange dream last night, i wish i could remember it, i only remember waking up and thinking to myself WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT ALL ABOUT?

my floormate mya has classes with alana. mya has reported to me that alana called me "cool", which i find hilarious because i don't think we've had a conversation, ever, during the five years of high school?

++

it was lara's 19th birthday yesterday, but i didn't do a giant post about it. i DID spam her facebook wall though, while i was talking to her on the phone for like two hours.

yo man. fucking love you.

STRESSED LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER

2008-02-11T21:36:00.001-05:00

wow this is total gold piece of bloggism right here, complaining about stress

im out.

+++

denise said:
boo

Jen // Fenny said:
yo

Jen // Fenny said:
whats up

Jen // Fenny said:
hows life

denise says:
studying

denise says:
cramming

denise says:
midterm at 8 am tomm

denise says:
YAYAYYAYAAY

Jen // Fenny says:
;o me too except not at 8am

Jen // Fenny says:
i cannot wait to get shitfaced after this week you have no idea hahahahahhahah CANT
FUCKING WAIT TO SEE YOU AND HUG THE FUCK OUT OF YOU DENISE

denise says:
akjghakjghadjlgldal

denise says:
YOU KNOW I CANT WAIT

denise says:
SHUT UP

denise says:
IM SO EXCITED

denise says:
HAHAHAHA

Jen // Fenny says:
me too

you're my tenderoni

2008-02-09T23:00:00.000-05:00

currently: stressed to the fucking maxxxxxxxxxxx

murf murf murf

last nite i got really high with my floormates then ate about 10,000 calories worth of nachos and ice cream sundaes, G-R-O-S-S. then i went to bed without washing my face. haha jebus. fuckin awesomeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee (NAAAT!)

my legs are sore because i did ~~major~~ abysmally minimal workout on friday

i am unfit

it was the wrong way

2008-02-09T16:31:00.001-05:00

hello all. my blog is like, fucking boring these days, so i have an alternate source of amusement for you all.

introducing:

WHEATIES AND BEER,

a blog by fenny-wheaties and majikker-beer,
otherwise known as jenny and lara

do yourself a favour and go read! i will link it in my sidebar as well.

aha.

TROPICAL SKITTLES

2008-02-08T00:33:00.001-05:00

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *DIES OF HILARITY*

here is a Tropical Skittles commercial that my friend oats was in... she's the girl who appears at the end. i find this video HILARIOUS because the wave she does is just ... so... incredibly NOT her. ok im officially dead from laughing for 5 minutes

death by monkeys

2008-02-06T23:40:00.001-05:00

+stab life right now
very minimally tolerable, ugh.

"i feel cut off
in my cut-off jeans"
- a professional beatnik

i downloaded a whole lotta episodes of flight of the concords. don't make me start watching.

i officially hate snow, too. gah

my sis and i have been texting each other inside jokes all day (read: lines from toy story and home alone). so funnaaaaaaaaaaaaay.

ugh.

feels

2008-02-06T23:25:00.000-05:00

you'd like to see me often
though you don't need to see me often
i'd like to see you often
i need to see you often

pow pow pow pow
pow pow pow pow

you can try the best you can, you can try the best you can

2008-02-06T21:33:00.002-05:00

esterisms

flesh canoe

2008-02-06T17:10:00.000-05:00

i should wear this shirt more often. aha.

blog is 100% public once again. youre welcome? haha

i have also censored myself in various posts.

and i removed some parts of my Juno post because it was getting me way too many useless hits.

i have a pro flickr account code now, but i don't plan to punch in that code until i do some actual picture-taking.

tomorrow my photos are hung in school. it's supposed to be semi-formal. i don't know what to wear.

so much fuckin' schoolwork these days. i'm going to be dead until reading week starts.

ew.

lara and jen, xo forevs!

2008-02-06T16:10:00.000-05:00

hamilton weekenddddd pictures you may have already seen

the end?

it's a heart that you made, i won't rest until i break it

2008-02-05T22:34:00.000-05:00

mustardkill! via threadless.com

sorry for the blog suckage these days.

SUPER TUESDAY today! how exciting and intense.

i've been rather productive the last two days. i still need to find someone to shadow for one day, for my profile article. i have zero clue whom to profile... yikessssssssss?

downloading a fuckload of music right now because i feel like im so out of touch with new music. the other day i checked out cansei de ser sexy for the first time. god!

three of my photos are being hung for a night of exhibition on thursday night! wooooooo

go download this album now.

where you're going

2008-02-04T21:16:00.001-05:00

more pictures from this weekend up on my flickr
(NEVER BEFORE SEEN ON FACEBOOK!)

haha sometimes i write this blog like it's for only two other people.

i have given up on doing homework...
FUCK cannot wait till reading break.

apparently while i was in hamilton this weekend, my floormates mya and mike did shrooms... shrooms from brampton ontario! ahahaha! i am totes joining in next time... right?

i stole a spoon from the school caf today. aha.

hmmmmmmmmmm i hate this prison cell sometimes, esp when i have to clean it and do work

just like my father

2008-02-04T20:22:00.001-05:00

here is the song i am in love with

we do the dance up on the plains, then i shake your shoulders

2008-02-04T16:40:00.001-05:00

GOD. i am completely infatuated with the animal collective song "grass". the song is pure ecstasy captured in audiotape!!!!!! i think i've listened to it fifty times in the last three days.

last nite i went to greektown dinner with the jschool kids plus ester. i think ester was overwhelmed by how much TALKING we do. hahaha i bet it is disgusting. kira was there as usual and i lovehated her once again, i CAN'T fucking get over it. whatevs. the food was soooo good, i wish i'd taken pictures. after dinner we took the subway back to rez. ester and i ran down the ascending escalator. ahahaha. nichole and adam and i hung out until 1am when adam had to go home. yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaauuuhhhhh. nic lent me a diane arbus coffee table book that she got at the Met which i am drooling over at the moment. okayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

anyway im up to my tits in homework these days and i read one quarter of the ondaatje book today, but i still have a hundred pages to go.

i need a fucking nap. nearly fell asleep in philosophy lecture today. i contemplated leaving mid-way but it's a good thing i didn't because our prof gave away the midterm answers in advance. ahahaha.

reading week in less than two weeks yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh in the meanwhile, i will be dead doing homework. mmkay

i love animal collective so much

get ready to ignite

2008-02-03T17:20:00.000-05:00

aha. i do love having caller ID so i can ignore certain calls.

back in toronto. woke up at 9am and took the hamilton city bus to catch the GO. i had a tim hortons breakfast bagel and a hot chocolate, super delish. i am so so so behind in schoolwork it's not even funny, argh i promised to go to dinner tonite and now i REALLY dont think i should go because of all the schoolwork

uh huh uh huh

lara and jen, xo forevs.

my new ringtone just went off, it goes "DO THE D-A-N-C-E, one two three four, fight!"

seeing lara was great this weekend.

will put up the rest of the pictures (aka the ones stolen from lara) later.

clouds up

2008-02-02T22:37:00.000-05:00

hanginnnnn out in lara's apartment with her artsci friends: i'm the one shooting the video.

EPIC VIDEO, FEATURING THE NEW YORK BOYS (andrew and chris)

my girl, my girl, don't lie to me

2008-02-02T14:58:00.000-05:00

in lara's room in her 4-person apartment right now. hamilton is so pretty out when it is blanketed with snow. last nite i met many of lara's school friends here and i said a lot of sarcastic things while i was drunk and lara didn't even think i was remotely drunk. what does that exactly say about myself? ahahaahahaha. chris and andrew wore the same I HEART NY shirt without planning to. aha. they were dancing and i videotaped the party, which lara is watching now on her digital camera, and she says it is EPIC. ITS THE BEST THING THAT HAPPENED.

then i went on msn and talked to a billion people on lara's msn while the party was still going on and i gave brett my phone number, then he called me so i talked to brett on the phone and it was SO SURREEEEEAL. i am sure we were both trashed. after i hung up i threw myself on lara's bed and laughed hysterically.

everyone left lara's apartment at 2am and chris, lara, andrew and i left to go to chris's house, he lives outside of mcmaster. we chilled there and i fell asleep for half an hour because i was so goddamn tired and i thought i would never make it while walking back to residence. i could have just fallen flat on the snow and slept silently.

woke up at 1pm today and lara made me breakfast of eggs toast smoked salmon and chai tea. and apple slices. with lots of pepper. my dish was covered with pepper the way snow covers a whole town. we ate and listened to nirvana unplugged in new york on super subwoofer speakers and my ears are kind of still ringing from listening to the album.

now we're chillingggggg and i am facebooking because lara is in the shower. we are going to go out and explore westdale.

word up

it don't impress me much

2008-01-31T00:04:00.000-05:00

my right middle finger is blue and pink - i just spent the last half hour colouring it with highlighters.

spent the nite facebooking and msn'ing and eating cookies and chilling in the floor lounge, watching ten things i hate about you and eternal sunshine of the spotless mind halfassedly while all of us facebooked on our respective laptops. aha. it was a computer party. like twelve people on their laptops just chillinnnnnnnn. i edited sari's zines while she blabbed about the newest band she's promoting and rachelle blabbed about how much she hates artsy movies and rebecca made a birthday card for her friend and val begged everyone to proofread her essay and oliver did his oliver thing. and clare was just clare.

+++

for my/your amusement:

FACEBOOK WALL-TO-WALL IN REVERSE CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER:

still standing still

2008-01-30T20:54:00.000-05:00

so tired. went to the courts today and reported THIS case, which is taking forever. the trial first started in november 2007 and it's still going on because there had to be a re-trial. pretty much nothing happened though, such a boring day! i nearly fell asleep. and i shouldnt publish info that the jury could possibly see, it may change their opinions and possibly lead to an unfair trial, ha ha ha

(not)

anywaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay. i can't look forward to reading break enough.

right.

ughh, i am forever torn.

okaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay.

a whole new world

2008-01-29T23:16:00.001-05:00

according to my blog, these are the movies seen this year (this year being january 1, 2007 to today). most of which didn't come out this year, but saw for the first time... i'm pretty sure i missed plenty, because they're randomly popping inside my head as i type this

my top 25 favourites highlighted.

juno
persepolis
across the universe
my kid could paint that
secret sunshine
shock doctrine
virgin suicides
factory girl
science of sleep
kinsey
half nelson
lady vengeance
oldboy
kiss kiss bang bang
rushmore
the squid and the whale
ghost world
dead poets society
pretty dirty things
motorcycle diaries
taxi driver
paris je t'aime
the godfather
fight club
fargo
waitress
pan's labyrinth
the weather man
serendipity
babel
the danish poet
almost famous
waking life
letters from vietnam
before sunset
the departed
groundhog day
seven years in tibet
dr. strangelove
american beauty
paradise now
spirited away
seopyonje
marathon
spiderman 3
harry potter 5
pulp fiction
four weddings and a funeral
little women
out of africa
you can't take it with you
it's a wonderful life
scarecrow
cq
children of men
scarface
fly away home
borat
c.r.a.z.y.
memento
notes on a scandal
mr. smith goes to washington

why do i let myself worry

2008-01-29T22:25:00.001-05:00

hahahah

from tony

fire and rain

2008-01-29T21:31:00.000-05:00

court reporting for realz tomorrow. i went to the superior court of justice to check the place out and it kind of frightened me. it's pretty standard though, i suppose. why are court cases so incredibly cliche but emotional? GAWD.

i am reading northrup frye's literary criticism essays "anatomy of criticism" during my spare time... i got allen ginsberg's book back out of the library too. also (supposed to be) reading michael ondaatje's "in the skin of a lion" and the goddamned cugoano book, "thoughts and sentiments on slavery". murf.

my philosophy prof, james, was especially crazy today. someone should have measured the decibels of his voice when he was screaming about greeks and democracy. dear god!

can't wait until tomorrow 6pm.

things i ate today:

- twenty billion carrot sticks with ranch dip
- one soft chocolate chip cookie
- bowl of oatmeal crisp apple brown sugar cereal
- reese's pieces m&ms
- lay's regular chips (like, a lot. ha)
- macaroni salad
- chicken broccoli stirfry with white sauce, rice and veggies
- uh...

heres the end to my ______ day.

worst day ever

2008-01-28T19:34:00.000-05:00

oh my god i am going to fucking die.

caring is creepy

2008-01-28T01:40:00.000-05:00

ester's photos from this week(end)

ooo dear

fran's ~~breakfast~~ lunch-supper

vegetarian eggs benedict, ester's

this was shoppers drug mart

valentines day much?

milestone's, after tokyo police club concert

i should really finish reading and go to fuckin sleep. but i havent folded my laundry :S

if you want me to, i will be the one, that is always good and you'll love me too

2008-01-28T01:20:00.000-05:00

semi-cleaned up my room at about 5pm, did the dishes and laundry, ate dinner with the floor, went grocery shopping, procrastinated, called mom, played scrabble while helping rachelle decide what to text to her potential lover. now doing the homework that i should have done ages ago...

going to the superior court of ontario tomorrow to check out shit for my assignment on wednesday. picking up my photos of ester tomorrow. sooo much fuckin shit to do, aka i have to finish the ondaatje book by tuesday, yea right like that's gonna happen!

booked train tix to montreal, going for three days during reading break. yaaaaaaaaa excited.

i'm reading r. taylor's essay "the cosmological argument" in philosophy and it's blowing my mind.

im a liar and a thief

2008-01-27T16:53:00.000-05:00

sit and drink pennyroyal teaaaaaa
i'm anemic royaltyyyyyyy
all alone is all we all are

gonna eat first meal of the day soon? its 5pm.

byessss

beyond the yellow brick road

2008-01-27T14:21:00.000-05:00

hi there

its 221pm and i havent eaten yet

sooooooooooooo should do that sometime soon
as well as laundry and other domestic crap

ew i feel so terrible this weekend

ive listened to "goodbye yellow brick road" about 20 times in a row so far

talked to lara this ~~morning~~ afternoon

do i go against the grain? do i go with the flow?

anyway. need to drag my ass out of bed and go back to real life.

Jen // Fenny says:
hi mom.

Nam Ok says:
하이 더터

Nam Ok says:
소설은 썼냐?

Jen // Fenny says:
not yet.

that's pride fucking with you

2008-01-27T04:06:00.003-05:00

had breakfast with ester at fran's. i ate eggs benedict with hollandaise sauce, soooo caloric. took film pictures in the snow. bought stamps. walked around the shoppers drug mart on college street, took a sample of every single bottle of perfume in the entire goddamn store, we even sniffed the juicy brand cologne for 'decadent dogs', i am not kidding. each bottle woulda been like a hundred dollars. "you should buy it for you dog," i said. "uh, my dog's a man," ester replied. "you can buy it anyway," the freakish saleslady encouraged. "maybe for his birthday," said ester. and we left the freakish saleslady there. bought a fuckload of $3 film then, went back to my room, it was a disastrous mess and ester was probably disgusted. called up ray and took more pictures and then said goodbye to ester. ate dinner with ray, we both had semi major freakouts slash schizo sessions then argued then went to the world social forum meeting then watched the monologues then met up with mya and others and went to the tokyo police club concert at nathan phillips square then saw dave and ester again and we went to grab frood on queen street and we went into fuckin milestone's, where we saw creepy botoxed women and ugly men trying to hit on them? dave and i shared fuckin good spicy thai chicken drumettes though. ester had a giant plate of pasta and stopped eating after four bites and dave and i ate the rest. i paid the fuckin bill because i am nice and we wandered around the bank atms in the financial district trying to get some cash out so ester could pay me back. took the ttc TWO stops to ester's u of t residence, met up with her fuckin crazy friends who were calling themselves cunts because of this and that blah blah blah and there was some bitchiness going on and some definite sketch drama and joanne rolled a huge j and we waited forever in emily's room so we could go out and smoke but as i said they took forever, plus this dude bob was being a total douchebag and joanne was being a big bitch and a girl named hil was very strange, so dave and ester and me left the building and smoked the giant joint by ourselves while taking hilarious pictures on our cellphones. we also had some gin and tonic mixed in with snow and "it tastes like toronto," said ester. i got pretty high and started talking nonsense non-stop like that time on galiano island when we made pot brownies and i just babbled on for five hours while everyone else just sat back in the couch and listened to me talk and laughed hysterically because i was talking like a complete fool. but then dave and ester made fun of me for being completely talkative so i was like ehn, then we did some shit i can't really remember. oh yeah before i got high, i visted hannah in her rez room, a floor above ester. goodness, seeing hannah cheered me up limitlessly while completely depressing me. she wants to do a study abroad trip in hong kong next year though. fuck i wanted to weep when i saw her. it was pretty awesomeeeeeeeeeeee. i got depressed again so i called dara then ester bugged me so i became quiet and then dave and ester once again did their thing and then ester got really hyper and broke into someones room and basically walked in on a naked couple IT WAS PRETTY AWKWARD TURTLE but kind of funny. then we took ridiculous 'diary videos' with esters video phone. then we went back to her room, got sleepy, ester took a shower and i dont really remember what else we did. then i got ester to draw me a map so i could walk back to my home safely without being raped or kidnapped blah blah blah it worked. dave forgot to give me a mix cd! dammit. i walked home almost falling asleep and super paranoid about sketchy men walking in the snow. now i am in my room downloading elton john's "goodbye yellow brick road" while i lie in nothing but my giant yellow tshirt.

what else: ester thinks i might want psychological help after hearing about my new year's. hahaha. she plans to see a shrink because she can, for free, with u of t medical coverage? or something? whatever i didn't really understand. otie left me a funny voice mail and i snorted when i first listened to it. ray and i had a weirdish stubborn argument and it was weird. there was a cool party last night and i didnt go because my pride would have been at risk.

currently contemplating: changing schools, going back to vancouver, going to korea and live with my dad for a year, applying to u of t's victoria college for next year, changing programs to photography at current school, sharing an apartment with adam next year cuz he needs someone to live with, seeing a shrink, calling my mom, going through my photos, looking for a fake id, being emo, buying a holga, buying a fisheye lens, going to ikea, calling otie, reading on the road, cleaning my room.

word up

the afternoon, when it is beautiful

2008-01-26T03:32:00.001-05:00

some new clothes
check out my super greasy hair

like.. ultramarine blue jeans.

awesome possum.

playground love

2008-01-26T03:29:00.000-05:00

i’m a high school lover, and you’re my favorite flavor
love is all, all my soul
you’re my playground love.
yet my hands are shaking
i feel my body remains, themes no matter, I’m on fire
on the playground, love.
you’re the piece of gold the flushes all my soul.
extra time, on the ground.
you’re my playground love.
anytime, anyway,
you’re my playground love.

the place which the angel passes by

2008-01-26T03:02:00.000-05:00

a postcard:

Hi ______!

miss you! right now i'm sitting in my room, completely uninspired, coming up with wacky theories for the cause of my discontent. i think artists are always discontent. and i believe that i am an artistic soul. therefore, i will never be able to be completely happy. it's okay, i have many time-pockets full of joy, and sometimes life is tolerable with just that. hope that you're doing great, and that you're doing great things. here is a quote i love: "live to the point of tears." love, jen.

another postcard:

hi ______!

hey. right now i'm listening to the trip hop air record also known as the virgin suicides soundtrack. maybe you'll like? "you're my playground love," sings air. it's snowing outside and all is desolate. i am entering a photography contest next month, wish me luck. what is your life goal? are you persuing it? is sorrow a good thing? are you in the sky with diamonds? love, jen.

i never knew you

2008-01-25T21:29:00.001-05:00

i have serious issues. for example, i cant fucking go to an awesome party if i know ahead of time that people i hate will be there. no matter how awesome the party...

barf

everything reminds me of her

2008-01-25T03:17:00.000-05:00

this is a snow cone.

i'm thinking of opening up yet another blog. this one would function normally but i would have side project things.

a) a blog full of little stories (or poems)
b) a blog full of long stories!
c) photoblog
d) dream blog
e) smart-alecky review blog of music, movies, books, blah blah blah
f) an abstract philosophical blog about the finiteness of the universe
g) other: ________

ok go.

ever since you have been gone, it's all been caffeine-free, faux punk fatigue

2008-01-25T03:00:00.001-05:00

haha, remember when i used to do this everywhere?

as well as this?

as well as this?

and this?

and this?

live to the point of tears

2008-01-25T02:42:00.000-05:00

email to friends.

+++++

chica chica ya

took a ginormous nap today and then went out to dinner with hilary and we were talking about I SPY books (remember those books with huge photos and rhyming couplets and you have to find stuff, a la "where's waldo"?) and im like, man i want to do those again like i did in grade 4, and so we're like, hmm we should, and we're like okay! so we went to world's biggest bookstore and we did I SPY for two hours. then hilary bought the brady bunch on dvd, what a find. hahaha

then i came back to my disastrous room and cleaned it up a little bit

and finally organized some papers that i should have done in december

bought virgin suicides dvd for $6.99. sweet deal

im gonna enter this photography/design contest/exhibition thingy held by rez council, though i know that all the photography/image arts/fashion/film/design students will take all the prizes. there are simply too many of them haha. ahhh oh well. im getting my mom to fedex me EVERY SINGLE ROLL OF FILM I HAVE EVER TAKEN. this is a big hairy deal. im sort of paranoid that it'll get lost in the mail, in which case i'll have to kill myself, but i need them badly because i want to enter this thing and i want to use my best shots.

hahaha.

this saturday im going to the see otie perform in the ryerson version of the vagina monologues then go to a free weakerthans/tokyo police club concert at nathan phillips square... and take pictures with ester on sunday. nothing on friday really. pretty chill weekend. i severely need to get on schoolwork anyway and i want to move my furniture around so that it makes some fucking interior design sense. it will take like seven people to lift this stupid desk though

here is a quote i love: "live life to the point of tears."

xo

as you want me to be

2008-01-24T11:44:00.000-05:00

done, done, done this motherfuckin essay!!!!!!! i'm hoping to get 70%, a totally unrealistic goal considering the amount of barfable redundant crap i wrote. oooo and i used to pride myself on writing brilliant essays. ahh those were the days...

time for a nap. k coooooooooooooooool.

someone please help me clean my room.

ruby ruby ruby ruby

2008-01-23T22:22:00.000-05:00

I really miss caring about stupid things with you guys. That's the biggest thing.

- Lara

I miss it too... whatever happened to the days when we would sit around the kitchen and make coconut cake and eat freshly ground pepper?

currently: procrastinating like a motherfucker.

unlit cigarettes

2008-01-23T02:00:00.000-05:00

in big letters:

why am i not asleep!?!

im so fucked.

you're falling back to me, defying gravity

2008-01-23T00:44:00.001-05:00

somebody take me somewhere warmer than this silly city, like siberia for instance.

ugh.

dear north americans: remember our lady peace and their giant sappy 2002 rock hit "somewhere out there"? why is this song in my head right now...?

come as you are

2008-01-23T00:25:00.002-05:00

Hallo there. Someone fax me my guitar (I'm looking at you, Vancouverites!) so I can learn to play the Moldy Peaches' song "Anyone But You" the way Michael Cera and Ellen Page do in Juno. I will then call people up on their cellphones and sing thirty seconds of the awesome song in their voice mails. I promise.

Adam is Croatian. Today he and I were talking about worldly cuisines and he told me of a fantastic and yummy Croatian delicacy. Croats eat lots of meat... then they save the grease from hunks of pork and lamb in tupperware, stick it in their fridge, and spread the grease on their toast the next morning. HAHAHA.

do not be angry with me, i am only an artist

2008-01-22T22:48:00.000-05:00

this is pretty sweet. yah?

homework overload. will blog after thursday.

honey, sweetheart, sugarpie, baby

2008-01-22T20:53:00.000-05:00

had korean food today at a restaurant and it was actually good, i was surprised. we went into the hmv on yonge street, and it was by FAR more enormous than i'd imagined. each floor played completely different music and it had the most extensive section for classical music and movie soundtracks. i'm talking obscure obscure soundtracks that people once heard back in the 70s or something. plus they have a vinyl section, albeit very small. also a huge classical music section. doods. we went back to my room and listened to some coltrane.

tuesdays are my least favourite days because of my visual cultures class (boring as shit prof) but today wasn't so bad. i have a fuckload of schoolwork though. gawsh.

my room is only clean when people come over to hang out. uggh

i am becoming the notes-master. four people have asked me to borrow lecture notes this week already. ha. i am nice.

im thinking of adding more blog invites to people. i dont know who reads my blog exactly. it's strange.

byebye my babies

same old

2008-01-22T00:16:00.001-05:00

i am talking to pat on msn right now. TOO IRONIC.

ps. back to my life sucks mode.

friend like me

2008-01-21T23:58:00.000-05:00

so um... i have a ton to blog about but since i cant say it all tonite, here is, instead, an awesome video that ive been repeatedly watching for the last half-hour.

pop the glock

2008-01-20T23:51:00.001-05:00

here is a bunch of garble by Jacques Prevert that i feel like remembering

Il a mis le café
Dans la tasse
Il a mis le lait
Dans la tasse de café
Il a mis le sucre
Dans le café au lait
Avec la petite cuiller
Il a tourné
Il a bu le café au lait
Et il a reposé la tasse
Sans me parler

Il a allumé
Une cigarette
Il a fait des ronds
Avec la fumée
Il a mis les cendres
Dans le cendrier
Sans me parler
Sans me regarder

Il s'est levé
Il a mis
Son chapeau sur sa tête
Il a mis son manteau de pluie
Parce qu'il pleuvait
Et il est parti
Sous la pluie
Sans une parole
Sans me regarder

Et moi j'ai pris
Ma tête dans ma main
Et j'ai pleuré

k bye.

mercy mercy me

2008-01-20T23:36:00.000-05:00

hooooooooooooooly motherfucker i am antsy right now.

hmmmmmm
why am i so incapable of leading completely different lives?

(insert all the things i want to say but can't say right now because i am too ineloquent at the moment)

i'm asphyxiated

2008-01-20T16:19:00.002-05:00

hey kids (im talking to you five people who can currently view this, haha)
dont worry about my blog, it wont be deleted
it will be on the down low for the next little while, then it'll be back to normal

some Granville Island photos from winter break 2007 (photoshoot with jordan)
up on my flickr finally
some of these are taken by jordan, but i dont remember which

snap

2008-01-20T00:23:00.001-05:00

FUCK. i just made the biggest mistake ever. oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit

LESSON OF THE ~~DAY~~ MILLENNIUM: DO NOT PLAY WITH THE POWERS OF THE INTERNET AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH if i have to delete any more blogs/accounts i will shoot myself

*stabs*

ps: i have made my blog temporarily semi-invisible, aka only a handful of people (about ten) are able to see my blog for the next little while. dont ask mmkay

SKLDFJSLDFJSDFJLSDJFLDSLKF

when you blow out like a dead star, it reminds me how uniform your beautiful is

2008-01-20T00:10:00.000-05:00

art by jack hartley

i forgot how awesome matthew good lyrics are. fuck, i need my beautiful midnight CD here.

++++

k-i-c-k-a-s-s
that's the way to spell success

shake me, i'm waiting
in your new arc they're saying
i'm the creature in your sick thing
everybody sees a giant
when the bad moon in your heart sings
and your wind up gears start grinding
your teeth feel you smiling
a better, happier you
the better happier you

when you blow out like a dead star
it reminds me how uniform your beautiful is
we carry on like it's easy
like you're all out and i'm your man
baby i'm your man

hit me, i'm bleeding
in your lounger, on your grooming
it's the future that's whoring
the better, happier you
a better happier you

++++

in other news, i read a short story i wrote in grade 12 called "the piano" and was amazed at how incredibly good it was. i am not being cocky. i think grade 12 was the apex of my writing career. so goddamn uninspired now. sigh

where it's at... i've got two turntables and a microphone

2008-01-19T18:50:00.001-05:00

bottles and cans, just clap your hands, just clap your hands

i have nine minutes to catch Black's before they close... ughhhhh too lazy to get dressed and step outside.

i really need an ipod and speakers

i think i'm going to montreal first weekend of reading break

all i ate today was soup and crackers and a few chocolates. SO. HUNGRY.... ester delayed our dinner tonite and words cannot describe how irritated i was that things no longer "fit" in my so called schedule. i'm becoming so anal. hahaha not cooooooooool

then i guess she had to crash, valium woulda helped that dash

2008-01-19T18:12:00.000-05:00

i said hey honey, take a walk on the wild side
and the coloured girls go doo doodoo doo doodoodoo doo doodoo doo doodoodoo

i am having the lamest weekend of schoolwork and exhaustion.

hmm

Jen // Fenny says:
sometimes i feel like im happier if im an observer of the world more than participant

Lara: waiting on the world to change says:
ummm ya me too
i feel overwhelmed

Jen // Fenny says:
i dont know why i forced myself to be a participant

Lara: waiting on the world to change says:
haha me either
ugh
i guess just observing gets frustrating after a while

Jen // Fenny says:
yes
but so does participating

Lara: waiting on the world to change says:
haha ya

Jen // Fenny says:
i want both at once

Lara: waiting on the world to change says:
me too
i think i need an observation break

Jen // Fenny says:
haha

Lara: waiting on the world to change says:
but once you participate its hard to go back

harder! better! faster! stronger!

2008-01-19T15:53:00.001-05:00

inspiration # 23941: otie's scarf

POLAROIDS

chinatown

hi adam

things to do:

- philosophy readings
- read cugoano's "thoughts and sentiments on the evil of slavery"
- write english essay (argh, stab)
- read cp
- start ondaatje's "in the skin of a lion"
- make notes on eng 705
- develop film from black's

okiessssssssssssssssssssss time to do some work.

xo

hey remember that time when you od'd?

2008-01-19T03:41:00.000-05:00

341am. i have the worst throat in the universe and i don't know how to cure it. i need to gargle with some warm water and sea salt.

went to see some guest speakers with journalistic criticism of Maclean's magazine - the mag has published at least 19 articles with racist/misrepresentational comments about Muslims and Arabs. too long to type out the whole shebang. it was pretty intense by the time it got to question period, the panel and the people in the audience were shouting at each other. intensity in the air you could have cut with a knife. it was pretty amazing to witness.

ate a delicious dinner of pasta with sundried tomatoes and spinach and grilled chicken. went running and swimming. being in the pool was bliss, as usual.

the last few days i've wanted to write. i dont know why exactly, i feel like i have something ready to be poured out on paper, then i open up a document and wait for it to barf out of me but then it doesn't.

okay too tired and too sick. tomorrow i must do a crapload of homework and then hang out with ester. la dee dah. i am also developing the rolls of film i took with adam, i can't wait to see how they all turned out.

loves.

the cats in the cradle and the silver spoon

2008-01-17T23:27:00.000-05:00

long day today. had only one hour of class at 9am, walked over to the classroom with hillary. my TA is super nice. the class has five journalism students and the rest are radio and television arts students... ooo outnumbered. i'm writing an in-class essay next week. yikes.

had breakfast with hillary at oakham cafe after class. eggs, sausages, toast, hash browns and tea for $3.75! what a deal. it was yummay.

came back to my room, took a big nap, and cleaned my room. adam called me up and we walked along queen street taking film pictures. i snapped five pictures with his Polaroid camera. tooooooo tooooooo awesome. i need one ASAP. i want a Lomo and a Holga too. dammit.

walked west until chinatown and kensington market, went for a coffee, then took more pictures. someone remind me to go grocery shopping in kensington, that place is such a gem and i hadn't seriously noted all the food there before. walked all the way to queen's park and university of toronto buildings. walking around u of t at night reminds me of the hogwarts castle. we walked aimlessly in and out of buildings until we got too cold and found a subway station. he walked me home then i walked him to the subway station then i had to go take pictures for the school paper.

went to chapters to take some portraits for the paper assignment, picked up a few magazines and persepolis and read for an hour in an aisle in the kids' section of the bookstore. way too tired from walking for hours. it's 11:41pm right now and i am so exhausted. totally ready to go to bed.

going swimming again tomorrow, after a Maclean's magazine meeting on "the recent human rights challenge and media coverage of muslims, racialized groups and women". right. then i need to freaking decide if' i'm going to bron's big fucking birthday party. i don't have a costume yet so i'm leaning towards no. hahaha

toooooo tired. i did no homework today. goodnite and xo.

get the facts

2008-01-17T11:34:00.001-05:00

... and here are the new years eve pictures that half the universe has seen already via facebook... continued from this post

getting ready

oh hai

ester and gin

take two.

note my hand on the pepper shaker. HAHA

random

with rach and dara

aw

THE POSSE, minus a few

incredibly attractive roxy

something unsatisfactory, lara?

"drink motherfucker, drink!"

i am the creepy girl from the ring

hah

jordan's... attic type thing.

aww, ben. i hardly talked to him that nite

you can tell these few are rachel's pictures

the only picture you'll see with both rach and ester... next to each other... smiling...

HAHAHA.

ew aiden please go fuck yourself

hi al

the rest of the nite we watched tv, bummed around and i barfed before taking the taxi with other girlies to lara's house. then i woke up at 7am and felt stupid and depressed, which you can read more about here. haha i am the linkmaster.

awesome possum

i am a vampire, i am a vampire

2008-01-17T11:25:00.001-05:00

rest of the sleepover at roxy's ubc rez pictures, back in december

with michael, in roxy's room

look, the waves are crashing over me

rox hearts pillow!

in the forest with michael and roxy

check out that jaded glow in my eyes HAHA

rainy

we invaded malc's room

i think michael wanted to leave hahaha

the morning after, brushing teeth and shit

whee

waiting for the pizza to arrive

2008-01-17T00:48:00.000-05:00

fuckin love this photo, took this picture in vancity in a forest near ubc, totally high/drunk off my rocker with michael and roxy at 3am, forgot to post it until now

i'll post more later

ps. for my birthday i need (yes NEED) a polaroid camera and pola film. i am DEADLY serious. plus a compact digcam would be nice

THANKS

hug my flower with your eyes

2008-01-17T00:24:00.000-05:00

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand another wednesday is over. thank fuck. interviewed people in the morn. handed in my article way before deadline. ate dinner with ray. went to the gym but the pool was closed so i ran around the track. left a sweet photo comment on ester's facebook. almost applied to ubc (i got as far as typing in my SIN before i got distracted... ha more on this later). whatevssssssssssssssssssssss mang. tomorrow i have one hour of class then i am hanging. out. with. adam. oh. my. god?

righto.

talked to e-star on the phone and she blabbed about how much she hated her life and i started to hate my life too. aka my mood spectrum goes from "WHY THE FUCK AM I HERE AT THIS STAGE IN MY LIFE WHEN I COULD BE DOING SO MUCH MORE INTERESTING THINGS STUDYING SO MUCH MORE PROFOUND SUBJECTS" to "I LOVE INTERVIEWING PEOPLE AND THIS IS MY TRUE CALLING".

uh-huh.

took a shower just now and i am sitting naked on my chair while snowcold air drafts into my room through my filthy windows that i never windex. my bed has a giant pile of clothing i cant see my lumpy pillow and i wished my room smelled like dryer sheets and other nice things and not fucking chicken souvlaki takeout that's sitting in my trash from two days ago. switched my english tutorial so i will finally have a class with hillary toms. this means three solid hours of emo talk because thats what we do best when together. am i right or am i right? plus we can talk about fight club and nabokov.

now i have to read the 2003 US state of the union address for homework. later.

you're sick, i'm tired, let's dance

2008-01-16T00:35:00.001-05:00

FUCK LIFEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

t minus 18 hours

IN EIGHTEEN HOURS I WILL FEEL SO, SO, SO, SO, SO MUCH BETTER

KTHANX

fucking a, doft

2008-01-15T18:04:00.000-05:00

SO FUCKING READY FOR THE WEEKEND RIGHT NOW.

Lara: sleeeepppy says:
jen
im so tired of caring about superficial thigns
like........so tired

Jen // Fenny says:
yeah
i know what you mean
its like hello can i be sad now please

Lara: sleeeepppy says:
YA
like seriously

Jen // Fenny says:
GODDDDDDDDDDDDDD
come visit me
and hang out with me
i need lara time a fucking sap

Lara: sleeeepppy says:
ummmm
no you come here
i want you here

Jen // Fenny says:
fine maybe i will depends on what im doing friday

this is one doodle that can't be undid, homeskillet

2008-01-15T01:16:00.000-05:00

summer 2007. ahhh unstressing times

life update:

got sick and feverish. am hormonal. skipped lectures. took three hours to clean my disaster of a room. did dishes. vacuumed the floor. washed my gross sheets. fucking behind in schoolwork. stressed already. have an article due wednesday and have not started. emails won't go through. need notes from a class i know no one in. have too much unfinished reading. can't fucking wait for the weekend... and it's only monday.

BLARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

we could go and get 40s, fuck going to that party

2008-01-13T00:00:00.000-05:00

went to see persepolis tonite. great great great movie, and a totally different experience from reading the graphic novels (which i have practically memorized). i have lots of stories to share but i'm just way too fucking tired. remind me to tell you about the kaffeehaus poetry nite, chillin in nic's room, dance cave nite, walking home with lauren and sam, kira, adam, and persepolis.

later.

watch the trailer for persepolis, i have at least twenty times:

uffie's gonna make this shit rock

2008-01-12T04:44:00.000-05:00

FOUR FOURTY-FOUR IN THE AM

listenin to some uffie

mothafuckin hungryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

went out to a club tonite called the 'dance cave', i have just ranted/raved (tho mostly ranted) in a collective email and it was really ______ so i will blogpost later when i have calmed down. i dont know how the fuck i even got in, i had a piece of shit id from a half-Filipino girl named jackie hernandez. i dont look anything like her but apparently the new bangs worked. hahaha wordddddddddd

ya remind me to rant/rave soon. srsly

life is pretty shitty but also absolutely wonderful simultaneously these days

you were such a p.y.t.

2008-01-11T00:25:00.000-05:00

whoa dooooooooooood. its 1226am and i just got home. went to some beat poetry reading in a fuckin cramped cafe on queen street east. people wearing black berets and doc martens slamming on little african drums. a couple stand-up comedians. one poet who brought her black cat along. peeps drinkin black coffee and eating biscotti. now time for homework and wake-up at 8am. wheeeee

dude looks like a lady

2008-01-10T16:10:00.001-05:00

finally some pictures from winter break, no captions atm because i gotta jet

wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

DINNER AT GUU WITH DARA AND DENISE

HANGING OUT IN ESTER'S BASEMENT

looking outside through my living room window. arbutus street i miss you

sis

GETTING READY FOR JORDAN'S PARTY ON NYE AT LARA'S HOUSE

more pictures to come later because i am gonna go watch a movie with my floormates. byes

i say too much sometimes

2008-01-10T02:49:00.001-05:00

1400th post.

currently: reading my own (genius) short story from grade 12 that i fortuitously found on my laptop files while weeping drunkenly and wallowing in my pseudo sadness, contemplating whether to send fucked up messages to people i do not have phone numbers of

BARF!

there, i posted twice.

when did you get back from mars?

2008-01-08T17:14:00.000-05:00

i'll blog soon, i promise. had second day of classes today. spent $80 on some textbooks. i ate a fig newton bar. now time for a fuckin nap.

y control

2008-01-06T21:11:00.002-05:00

actually, ester and i have a whole lot in common.

pictures from nye up sooooooooooooooon.

at the halfway home

2008-01-06T19:52:00.000-05:00

got back in toronto yesterday nite. i finalized my schedule so i have 15 hours of class per week now. hahahaha. at least i have a class every day of the week now. at the baggage claim in the pearson airport, there were a whole buncha douchey guys wearing queen's pleather jackets with a huge school logo in the front and faculty name in giant letters on the back. there were about five of them and i eavesdropped while i waited for my suitcases to turn up and they were hilarious. oooo dear.

i re-read a complicated kindness on the plane and finished it when i got to rez. books make me happy. it's an escape from real life.

anyway i have a class tomorrow morning at 9am (THE HORROR!) called philosophy of religion. should be interestinggggggggggg.

went grocery shopping and bought fig newtons. they're my favouritestest thing right now.

my room is so f'ing organized but i realized i have a lot of shit that i never use and a whole lot of other shit that i need badly that i haven't brought home. ugh!

where're you goin' with the mask i found?

2008-01-03T20:15:00.000-05:00

i should prob do a "2007 REVIEW POST" or some shit like that but that sounds ultra lame right about now, so forget it.

went to eat at guu last nite with fam and tonite we will go out for indian food at jolly's indian bistro, MMMMM YUM YUM. i also really want to see Juno again in Fifth Avenue Cinemas because it's an awesome theatre but i dont think i will have time for that. fuck! i leave in two sleeps. not cooooool.

last nite i had the second scariest nightmare of all time. it was the end of the world and the universe was flooding and everywhere there were no buildings, only boats. one by one people threw themselves in the ocean because they'd rather commit suicide than die a painful death. they all drowned. lara, es, denise and i were bawling in a tight circle because we didn't want to die. the ocean was emerald green. it was so fucking scary okay. i thought i was suffocating when i woke up.

haven't done much today except bum around home and procrastinate cleaning up my suitcase shit in the living room. i have to do a massive load of laundry too. i should put some pictures up.

tomorrow i will give malc his long overdue x-mas present and then hang out with the girlsssssss because i won't see them in one place for a while.

ok could this post be any more boring?

the monkey on your back is the latest trend

2008-01-02T19:52:00.000-05:00

january second, two thousand eight. four fifty-three pm. three sleeps before i go head back to tdot.

AHHHRRRRGHHHH

im back to my i-wish-i-could-stop-time-so-i-could-take-a-century-long-nap thing.

coooool.

gonna go grocery shopping with mom now. awesome possum

oh my god! i miss you!

2008-01-02T05:15:00.000-05:00

happy fucking new year.

i puked way too many times last nite after having a fuckload of fun and when i woke up in the morning i felt way too fucking stupid and depressed. i thought about what would happen if i were to slit my wrist right in front of my friends, no lie. hahaha! i should never drink. no, i should always drink. hah. i made PERFECT soft-boiled eggs in the morning for everyone though. highlight of my day.

anywayyyyyyyy new years stories are always the same, i will spare you the details. i hate half the pictures that are up on facebook by the way. barf.

i watched pan's labyrinth and it helped me wallow in my sadness.

i dont want to leave home.

earlier yesterday i hung out with jordan, it was cool to talk to someone as miserable as i am! or as miserable as i was. whatever. i'm not sure of anythingggggg anymoreeeeee.

anyone else but you

2007-12-30T06:13:00.000-05:00

You are always trying to keep it real
and I'm in love with how you feel

314am vancouver time. i have to wake up in sixish hours and i'm preeeetty much fuckin' dead right now but i needed to prepare some stuff for tutoring tomorrow. ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. my eyelashes are heavy with dried mascara gunk that i should probably wash off. sleepy sleepy sleepy spllejfsyf.

tutored in the morning, then took a giant ass nap, had a nightmare (wtf is UP with these stupid dreams these days?) then bussed downtown to Guu for a delish dinner with dara and denise. pictures coming soon. sooooooo yummmieeeee i want some more of that salmon sashimi yukke thingies. AHHHHH i wish toronto had a Guu. my DREAM. here are piccies from the website (i am drooling right now by the way).

went to esty's house afterwards where she gifted me an AWESOME button that she made herself with her button-making kit. i am buying one of those kits asap so i can possibly make buttons to sell at fuckin' canzine next year. yknow. three to five dollars apiece. haha.

the bunch of us, rox, es, dara, denise, and i, we drank tea and ate a fuckload of airpopped popcorn that es made. then we gossiped and chilled and shared stories from the last four months and it was so awesome that i was sad to come home and realize that i'm leaving home in ONE FREAKING WEEK! temporary depression ensued. i use the term 'depression' way too lightly don't i? fine, i was super-sad. le sigh. ALL I EVER WANT TO DO is chill with friends and family who love me and waste time with them.

cooooool beans. i'm kinda looking forward to next semester and simultaneously not looking forward to it. it's gonna go by in a snap though. by april i will be done a quarter of university schooling, assuming i do not go to grad school (which i will probs).

why can't life be so easy peasy lemon squeezy.

let me out

2007-12-28T07:27:00.001-05:00

just finished watching Mean Girls on my laptop and its freaking 430am. ahhhhhhhhhhhh. cant sleep now, i missed my chanceeeeeee. grrr.

i think i will do a "my favourite movies/cds of 2007 list" later. REMIND ME K.

fuck... i need to get on a sane sleeping pattern

action is the foundational key to success, says pablo picasso

2007-12-28T01:56:00.000-05:00

just spent three gross hours watching crap on tv. mmm VH1 documentaries on the history of the Spice Girls! how tempting. i watched the whole thing with bits of muchmusic vids in between. muchmusic played all these old music videos like avril lavigne and green day and nelly furtado before they started to suck. yknow. it was aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawesome trashtv. sucks everything out of my brain.

now i'm back at my computer clicking 'profile' and 'home' every five seconds on facebook while my mom sits across from me on HER laptop. she presses the play button on the stereo for the gazillionth time and plays the soundtrack to Lady Vengeance. it's very good, go download it off torrents somewheres. it's classical music with an edge. HAHAHA i cannot believe i just used that phrase "with an edge". barf. it consists of lots of violin/strings and harmonium (like a harp piano), which i lurrrve, and sounds sinister. excellent.

anyway my fam totes loves the soundtrack right now and it's all that's been playing in the house and car THE LAST THREE DAYS twentyfourseven. my mom's in love with it and every time we play the soundtrack again from track one, she has a minor seizure like she's swaying to it but more like she's a crazy composer who just created this giant symphony after years of hard work and dedication.

cool.

now my mom and i are messaging animated emoticons to each other on msn. i almost wish i could post them all but them convos don't make sense when one doesn't read korean. (revision: they dont make sense even when one DOES read korean).

N says:
너나 잘하세요
두부 먹으세요
하얗게 되세요
친절한 진희씨

Jen // Fenny says:
HAHAHA

seeyas.

ps. my blog stats just skyrocketed after posting about Juno. dude.

winter song

2007-12-27T18:55:00.000-05:00

i braved the biggest mall in BC and went to metrotown on boxing day. resulted in the biggest headache EVER. there were hoards and hoards of people squished against one another in shoe stores, then a fire alarm went off and confused everybody. people kept shopping though. apparently it was a false alarm. i would not want to work in retail among the boxing day exodus. goodness. my mom was trying on shoe and put on the right boot when this woman, another shopper, grabbed mom's left boot and just walked away. we were all very WTF. the lady didn't speak english either. i can't decide if it's the funniest thing or the rudest thing i've seen. the lady bought the same pair of shoes.

then we went to zara and it was the biggest dog-eat-dog shopping experience ever. shudder. i bought a sweater and a shirt and left immediately.

when i came home i totally crashed and slept for a few hours before i went over to lara's house. we ate real fruit gummies and pistachios and chilled then dave and matt came over. we had beer and peach vodka with orangina, then roxy went crazy hyper and there was some debauchery. i was feeling totally sober though. dave was being weird again so i said something funny but i cant remember it. matt was being emo as usual. we wouldn't let him get shitfaced because he was driving.

after that died down we started watching Kinsey. everyone but me fell asleep before the movie ended. i finished watching at 4am and slept until noon, when roxy woke me up. no one else was home except the two of us because lara's fam left for their vacay at their cabin. HAHAHA. rox and i made breakfast, chilled for a few hours then went home.

and now i'm at home. i have to go tutor some kids today (and tomorrow, and the day after that, and the day after that...), grrrr. anyway i should go and prepare some stuff.

i've been obsessed about Juno since i saw it in theatres. i want to see it again sooooo badly. what the eff. i read the wiki article on Diablo Cody (the screenwriter) and it kind of amazed me. haha.

wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

it's not enough

2007-12-25T05:29:00.000-05:00

hello all.

saw this with the girlies yesterday at fifth avenue cinemas, which is my favourite theatre here:

it was a wonderful movie with an amazing actress (ellen page). will probably see it again when i buy the dvd, unless i'm too impatient and pay $8 to see it in theatres again. the soundtrack is pretty damn good too.

earlier yesterday, we had breakfast at sophie's cosmic cafe and swapped presents too. i got some pretty wicked gifts. roxy gave me charcoal pencils and yoshitomo nara postcards. dara gave me watercolours and a pad of sketchbook paper. lara gave me a little white teapot and a nightmare before christmas poster. denise gave me a fugitives cd. awesome possum. it was so great to have the five of us in one place again like the old days. so. effing. great. we walked around west 4th and i bought a pair of plaid chucks for $16.

++

today (technically yesterday, xmas eve, but i haven't gone to bed yet) i saw paul and john for the first time in four months, which was soooo incredibly great.

me: i'm 18 years old right now, right?
john: yeah which means you can drink in a year.
me: *laughs
john: "tell me honestly how many times you did? i wont tell your mom. *smile
me: haha anyway. im 18 now and i'll probably die when i'm like 85, 88 to make it easy math. that means 70 years more of life, right?
john: right.
me: it's not enough.
john: you think so?
me: uh-huh.

++

went shopping for a whopping 45 minutes with mom and sis at metrotown. holy shizat, the metrotown mall has changed hella. i hardly recognize it. they have some decent shops now. hahaha i may go back there later for some major boxing day insanity. we had dinner at a korean restaurant then drove around for two hours around neighbourhoods just looking at xmas light decorations while blasting music and singing. i sang as if i were drunk. now i have a throaty voice. anyway we went through about five of the gazillion mix cds in my mom's car. the last song we played was Nirvana's The Man Who Sold The World, which i hadn't heard in ages. AGES. that mix cd was maybe the first one i ever made, from grade nine or ten. we listened the shit out of it when we drove to Squamish for a swim meet (50 kilometres from Vancouver).

cool. i love my fam's random go-for-drive things. we hadn't had one in a while. it almost always has to be at night in the darkness, and few cars on the street. tonite it was like a ghost town, everyone was inside having xmas dinner. no cars. pretty fucking awesome i'd say.

came home and i danced to I Am The Walrus and burned another mix cd and chilled before watching Half Nelson, which was another terrific movie.

my sister is excited to open christmas presents tomorrow. our little tree is decked out in red baubles and little candy canes. we just decorated it this afternoon. can't wait for the morning.

talked to bryan again on msn. gah i think he likes me more than i like him. a little weird.

happy christmas.

she's the kind of girl you want so much it makes you sorry, still you don't regret a single day

2007-12-23T04:03:00.000-05:00

finished watching Lady Vengeance. it's going on my favouritest movies ever list. how can murder be so artistically beautiful? and hilarious? watch the movie if you can, it will most likely be in the foreign section of your video store. the movie reminds me of a very morbid Amelie.

it's too bad about the subtitles though. they kind of sucked. so obviously you should take up some korean lessons, become fluent, then watch the movies without them subtitles.

going to see the girlies tomorrow morninggggggggg at sophie's cosmic cafe to have brunch. swapping gifts, etc. hoorayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

asldkfjslkfjsldjfljflewoifjwoifjsjewoifjiojowiejfowjowjfw

all the while my fortune faded

2007-12-23T00:02:00.000-05:00

officially finished all of christmas shopping. finally. ps. remind me to never develop pictures from london drugs ever again, they are SHIT quality plus they charge way too fucking much.

right now the tension in my house is so thick you could cut a cube of it with a knife. my sister and my mom had an argument and i am the supposed mediator as always. my sister's being a fucktard and my mom's getting older and i think they're tired of each other while desperately wanting to be the best mother/daughter combo. it is extremely scary to imagine my sister and my mom estranged and i'm having minor panic attacks. but i'm probably imagining it all and going crazy.

denise is back and i haven't spoken to her yet. her and some girlies are having dinner then crashing zack's house but i am too tired to even THINK about dragging my ass to his house. the thought of seeing minis altogether kind of make me cringe too, i don't really know why. i guess i will see them on new years eve though. at least i will be drunk enough not to be irked by everybody (read: aiden). the last thing i need is everyone's loud banter... right?

gosh, who knows. i cannot tolerate anything besides myself today. time to be a loser and wrap more gifts (i am santa's little elf) and watch Sympathy for Lady Vengeance and Science of Sleep. fuck ya!

goodness.

i can show you the world

2007-12-22T05:42:00.001-05:00

went to the dentist in the morning and explored the korean markets afterwards (north road in burnaby). major chill time with mom WITHOUT michelle, thank fuck. my sister is becoming the most annoying brat of all time. ugh. whatevs. we bought a crapload of groceries and ate noodles and dumplings from a restaurant and she bought me asian makeup as x-mas gifts. hahaha.

went over to lara's house in the evening. we started watching aladdin on lara's laptop then ester and her crew joined us then dave joined us and we were really loud in lara's basement. ester's crew were her friends from her private school days. the queen's university kids (there were three) were UNFUCKINGBELIEVABLY annoying and pretenders and arrogant. i bet even their shadows brag wherever they go. they were sharing drinking stories and tales from frosh week, how INCREDIBLY predictable and lame. i really tried to like them too. they alone turned me off from going to that school EVER. (not that i ever had the intention to go there, anyway; i could never be holed up in a city smaller than vancouver). plus dave goes there, a definite minus. ha ha i am soooo clever.

ester was all "oooh queen's kids have so much school spirit, i wanna go there next year maybe." oh great ester YOU were the one who wanted me to accompany you to toronto, thanks.

anyway after a while micheal and david came over and then some shit happened then pretty much everyone went home except for me and dave and lara. the three of us finished watching aladdin, which was pretty goddamn amaaaaaaaaaaaazing. I LOVE THE SONGS and characters. i realized i've never seen the movie in english. it was rad times infinity.

cool. so theres my day. i thought id give dave a chance but noooo he is as freaky as he is in msn conversations. righto. god, no wonder i needed to get the fuck out of this high school mould. not saying i embrace my new life wholly, but seriously there are some PROBLEMS with this whole thing. like the PEOPLE in it!!!!